January 21 2016
Hello Anxiety.
I almost forgot you were here. I can only get so far away until you realize you miss me and come back strong as ever. I forgot what you looked like. What you felt like. What you did to me. I forgot how toxic you are. How paralyzing. How fucking frustrating you are. Why can’t you just stay the hell away? I was doing just fine without you. Go away and let me live. Let me breathe. Let me feel something, anything. I just want my brain to shut off and you’re here, like a bright light. You’re here and won’t fucking shut up. I know everything is fine but you remind me about all the what ifs. What if you fail that exam next week? What if you over sleep tomorrow? What if you get excluded from your friends? what if you wake up and feel exactly how you feel tonight and this feeling never leaves you? You’re screaming these what ifs to me. They just keep getting louder and louder. What if you end up alone? What if you get so fat and can never lose the weight? What if everyone actually hates you? Why do you make me so irrational? Why can’t you just leave me alone? I’m taking my medication, i’m trying to get the hell away from you and you’re back to remind me that i’m not free. You’re here and you want me to feel your presence.
